Fallout and Dreams

Lilith is lying in bed, likely still from where Minos laid her the previous night. She's laid out nicely, hair unbound around her on the pillow, lying on her back with her hands on the covers.

Kass slides inside, closing the door quietly behind her. She moves from the door towards the bed with casual but certainly trained care, moving softly across the room. Her adorned cowboy hat finds a resting place along the way, the elf checking to see if Lilith is awake before speaking.

Lilith breath is slow, steady, her eyes closed, her face still unhealthily pale and still. She looks…deeply, deeply sad, still, like the world's just too much to deal with to bother waking up.

Kass considers the sleeping woman for a long moment. Finally, the elven woman simply sinks down next to the bed on the floor, letting her head rests against it.

Lilith senses movement. Somehow. It's not Alex, it's not Samuel, it's not Elvis curiously peering at her. Maybe…her eyes flicker, her breathing catches. A soft sigh, and her chest rises and falls more obviously.

Kass tilts her head, listening to Lilith's breathing shift. She shhhs quietly, speaking softly, "It's me, Kassie. Just rest, Lil. Everything is ok."

Lilith eyes flutter open and she whimpers. "Kass…"

Kass shifts her weight, bringing herself up off the floor and to Lil's side, sitting gingerly on the bed. "I am here, Lilith. Are you .. Can I do anything?"

Lilith coughs softly, looking at the woman. Her pale eyes to her dark ones are sad, her expression completely broken. "I…I don't know…" Her voice is just as cracked, and dry. "I've had such odd, odd dreams…"

Kass hesitates, then reaches in, smoothing out the woman's hair and adjusting the covers, "They are just dreams, they won't hurt you, I promise." She rises in a fluid motion, moving away to return with a glass of cold water. "Drink this for me, alright? You are getting dehydrated is all; we'll fix you up in no time."

Lilith nods and lifts her head a little to sip the soothing water. She lets out another sigh and falls back, looking away. Sorrow gives way to a flash of white hot anger, then calm, her breathing steadying. "I…I forgave him, Kassandra, but I'm…I don't know if I can see him right now. I can't stop thinking about what he said to me. I keep hearing them, over and over and over, and I feel like my heart's not even there anymore." A shudder. "My heart ached for him and his mother and his family, when I found out…and now, I just…I just can't understand *why* he got so angry. How he DARED!" Her voice snaps out, hurt, imperious. "It was such a simple mistake! I overextended myself. I wasn't watching it and I got hurt, like any athlete might, like a weight lifter might pop a joint."

Lilith says "I didn't set out to hurt myself in that fashion!"

Kass nods quietly, listening for the moment. When Lil trails off, "I am .. I do not know why he reacted like that. It seemed out of the ordinary, almost .. vindictive." She sighs, shaking her head, "Sam told me that Alex was under stress, but even so .. he just snapped out and was dreadful and then wanted to take it all back like he .. like he had just made a little slip up and not been so mean."

"I don't think you went into things trying to be hurt by Jase. I think things just .. happen. A slip up, a popped joint, as you said. That is why I didn't react immediately. I was upset, because of my past. Ally was upset, because she cares. Sam .. was and is upset, because he thinks the man was thoughtless."

"Alex didn't seem upset for *you*, he seemed upset for *himself*. And that .. isn't right."

Lilith sighs deeply, her eyes darkening. Strange shadows on her features. "Alex is…passionate. I am passionate. Neither of us do things by half, and no doubt Samuel has told you that he lives in the moment. I would not be surprised, I am not surprised, now that I've thought about it, that he could say those cruel things and then apologize so quickly. He's hurting because of his parents. I just…" she moans and presses her fists to her temples, sitting up. "I've got fire in me and it's *burning* me, Kass!"

"You are passionate for him?" Kass perhaps misunderstands the meaning of the fire and burning, looking a little confused. "Have you told him that you are aching for him? I .." She breaks off, toying with the blanket, her voice softening. "I am sorry that you are so .. distraught. I wish I could help somehow…"

Lilith cries out, still clutching her head in her fists. "I…no…I love him, Kass, but that's not it. I don't know what to do! I…I am a woman of the Profession. I live in lies and mystery and secrets and I'm an expert at manipulation and yet my heart feels like it's on fire, my mind is half mad with pain and confusion, I can't think or act like a sane human being! I'm a dominatrix, Kass, I like pain and I like control, I'm a whore and I love sex, and EVERYONE I have ever known who was not in my world has looked down at me for it. Even the people here, my friends, Alex…I thought he was fine with it but he's not. Everyone still questions me, everyone still has that niggling little tetch of biased morality in the back of their heads that turns me into a slut." The words flow from her, almost babbling. "I am SUPPOSED to be in control. I am supposed to be certain, and I haven't been! Gods! I want Alex but I still, deep down, would love it if Sam touched me again…"

Silence, for a moment. Kass processes that, remarking in a quiet voice that is a counterpoint to the passion from the other woman. "I don't think you are a slut, Lilith. I .." She quiets again, biting her lip and shaking her head, "I don't think you are a bad person, or that you are wrong to like sex, control, men, money. Even pain and pleasure, as long as you are safe."

The elf sighs, rubbing her her eyes and mentioning, "Then you should go to him, Lil. Sam is .. very confused right now. He wants, very very badly to be human again, to have someone feel the way you do about him and to reciprocate. I think .." She looks away a moment, eyes considering the bedding.

"I think that maybe you two can help each other, if that makes sense? I .." She looks a little lost again, trying to find the right words, her suppossed stock in trade, to help. "A change, for you both. A chance at something more than all this."

Lilith wraps her arms around herself and closes her eyes. "Perhaps…oh, gods, Kass. I'll forgive Alex. I'll forgive him anything…I just want him to say he's sorry, truly sorry, and Samuel…he…" She gulps, shaking, before calming, turning her eyes towards Kass. "Do you know what happened between us, Kassandra? Samuel was the first man I really met here in Denver, the one who opened up this world to me…a gentleman, an older man of grace and charm, and I fell right into it. Then Bene came back and…we were so close…but he turned away, and I agreed, for the sake of his honour and his fidelity. And I met Alex, and he convinced, argued with me, told me over and over to give up on Sam and maybe try to find something with him. And now…" she closes her eyes. "Now this."

"I did not know that about you two, no, but it does seem to put certain things in perspective." Kass shakes her head, "I think that you are .. conflicted. I think Sam is conflicted. I … maybe even Alexander is conflicted."

She considers, "I know that Sam is burning in his own way, Lil. I know that he and Bene didn't .. seem to get along, from what I hear from Aladriel and just watching. I know he is putting on the air of someone trying to hit on everything with legs, but how many is he really sleeping with, and why not? He isn't ugly, he doesn't lack charm even when he tries to play the fool."

She shakes her head, "I am not good at this. I've been in love with one person in my entire life. I've only ever wanted one person in my entire life. This is like trying to explain purple to a blind man, you know? I don't have the right words, and I don't know if I am even making any sense."

"I like Alex. I am angry with Alex. I like Sam. I am worried about Sam. I like you. I want so much for you to be happy, Lilith." She pauses, groping. "I .. Alex hurt you. I have never seen Samuel intentionally try to hurt you."

Lilith shudders. "I…I still love Sam. I always will. I love Alex, and I always will. I was unfamiliar to love, like this, but I am not unfamiliar with my own affections, nor do I give them out lightly. Yes, Alex has hurt me. But we are very…loud, the two of us. We shout and we fight. Samuel has never cut me like Alex has, never judged me like he did the other night, but he has hurt me in his own way before, however unintentional. I…I just don't know. I don't know. I want Samuel…as much as I love Alex, and I do, I feel like I'm just not connecting with him sometimes. Samuel…maybe because he is older, maybe because he was my first, I always, somehow, crave his touch, those few times he compliments me, touches my hand…I hold that dear, close to my heart. I wish we could just shag and have done with it."

"Then you should." Kass taps on her knee, remarking quietly, "You should totally do it. I just talked to Sam, Lilith. I just had a very long heart to heart with him. He is .. very torn up inside right now. Go to him and tell him what you told me."

"You once said I should stop acting like a ninny and think about this like I would a run, remember? Well, bloody well go over there and seduce him. Be in his bed, be .. open. Not like that!" She admonishes quickly, "Just .. lay it on the line what you want: Sex. Togetherness. Him."

"It is totally horrible of me to say, and it is horrible of me to do, but the bottom line is that you both need to get laid in the worst possible way, and you both need each other. And if you don't, I am going to find some way to lock you into a room together until it happens."

Kassandra mutters, "And then I am going to go home and fuck Aladriel silly."

Lilith gasps a little, looking at her. "And what about Alex?"

Kassandra quickly claps a hand over her mouth and blushes, murmuring, "I shouldn't have said that last aloud. I am getting too comfortable with you."

She sighs, shaking her head. "And what about Alex? I think that you have Sam on the brain and that the only way to work through this with Alex, with Sam, is to go to Sam and deal with this. Otherwise, you'll have regrets."

"If all else fails, Lilith, tell him I said this is a way of getting rid of the Borox."

Lilith looks conflicted. Torn. Hopeful. Tragic. "If…if he says no, Kass….I can't do it. I'll die all over again."

Kass's voice sharpens, "Are you or are you not Mrs. Lilith DeWinter, proprietress of The Apple and The Snake and quite possibly the greatest madam to walk the Earth?" She mock scowls at Lilith, "He is a *man* Lilith, and your rightful prey. I have confidence that if you are honest, if you are straightforward, that he will not say no."
wat :laughs

Lilith gasps again, her eyes narrowing. "Don't you dare speak to ME in such a fashion, madam!" Some new spirit takes a hold of her, something stronger, imperious again, arrogant, powerful…not too unfamiliar for Lil, but it's…different. "I will make my own decisions and I will not be dictated to. My powers are such that I also know when to strike and I…" She half rises out of her bed before she stops, frowning, shaking her head. "I…gods. I'm sorry. I…don't know what came over me." She closes her eyes and pinches her nose. "I've always hated being told what to do like that, but…but you are right. I need to be confidant. I've been an absolute wreck."

Kass doesn't see to mind overly much the change, perhaps not attributing it to anything more than
Lilith's spiritness coming back. She pats the bed, "That's the Lilith DeWinter I know and love. I think .. I think that it will work out. And if you are worried, I can come over there and um, work my fixer magic?" She snickers, "I've not really ever done *that* sort of matchmaking, but I might be able to get some sense through his head."

She pauses, "You should probably clean up, however. Make up, hair, all that jazz."

Lilith sighs deeply, starting to pull herself together. British practicality at it's best. "Indeed. I am very very tired of all this melodramatic nonsense…but…" She sighs again. "I think I'll smoke a fag and get Nerissa up here for some company. I need to unwind a bit."

Kass rises, "Alright then. You and Nerissa talk about things. I am going to go get something to eat, since dinner ended up being a blowout and I don't remember the last time I ate. If you need me for *anything*, call me, neh?" The elf snags her cowboy hat, seating it firmly on her head.

Lilith chuckles faintly, sliding off the bed. She kicks at something…it looks like nothing so much as a large porthole, just underneath her bed. It pops open. "Go, eat, and then eat again. I'm surely Ally will appreciate your…hunger." She really, really can't help it. Honest. "I will be fine. I always am."

Kass laughs, nodding. "Still. Call me or I'll lurk outside your door and haunt you." The elf winks and goes to satisfy a few hungers.

February 26th, 2009

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